Monthly Archives: October 2013

He now has a name.

Our beautiful little bribe of a kitten has a name.  It is Sir Monty of Stinky Butt.  Little did we know when we adopted the little fuzzball (so we could get our road fixed more quickly) that we would be adopting royalty into our family.

Or, if not royalty, certainly Peerage.

Because let’s face it, even if your title revolves around a stinky butt, it’s STILL a title.  Which is not the same thing as saying if you have a stinky butt, you are automatically given a title.  If that were the case, our entire family would be Sirs and Ladies.

Some of us would be Dukes, if you want to know the truth.  Ahem.

So here he is…

…a little bit tuckered out from discharging all of his many officious doodies…..er, duties.

May I present to you Sir Monty.

All together now:  1, ….2, ….3…

AWWWWwwww!

I bought my beloved Chevy Equinox with the noble idea that I would save gasoline, but still be able to get around the rugged countryside.

Turns out I don’t save gas, because I get the same mileage as I would a Chevy Suburban!  And, getting around the rugged countryside doesn’t feel like quite the achievement the commercials present, when you see people on ten-speed bicycles moving as easily as you do in your spiffy-hybrid-sports-all-wheel-drive vehicle.

And to be honest, I carry way too much crap around for the size of my little car.  I’ve got softball bats, and basketballs, bottles of Gatorade and extra shoes.  I’ve got blankets and beach towels, and two camp chairs and a dozen canvas shopping bags (that I never remember to take into the store) at all times.

There is no stinking room for groceries AND kids at the same time.

I look at my fellow mommies’ Suburbans with growing envy.  THEY have room for children AND groceries.  I get very petty in my own head about it, as if buying the Equinox was never my idea in the first place.   After a little while, I begin to believe that getting a Suburban would cure all of my woes, satiate all of my desires, and hold all of my groceries.   It becomes clear to me that NOTHING else in this world could be more necessary than a hold-all-of-your-crap-at-once Chevy Suburban.

And then, then I saw this:

HOLY.   STINKIN’.   MOLY.

It was like a beam came down from heaven and struck my heart.  THIS is what I need.  THIS would hold all of my day-to-day necessities.  I couldn’t possibly live with something smaller.  I must have one of these.  This is the perfect materialization of who I REALLY am!

Of course, it’s worth more than our entire Little Cottage, and our beat up old vehicles all combined.  So I’ll have to start saving!

Meanwhile, it’s either kids OR groceries in a cherry-red Equinox.  But you remember one thing….you MUST remember this…even though I might be tooting down the road in a little Chevy Equinox, deep down inside I’m driving that gigantic loveliness of storage.  It may look like I’m driving a four-wheeled mommy-mobile, but in my heart of hearts, I have at least 10 wheels (dual axle dualies in the back), and enough room for a sawz-all and the Jaws of Life….

….AND GROCERIES.

The County Road Crew…the parents of our new kitten…came and fixed the broken edge of road in front of the Little Cottage yesterday.

They used big beautiful rocks to mitigate the erosion that is costing the county many dollars in road repairs.

They scooped the ditch out, first, and they patched the road when they finished laying the rock.

“But wait!” I cried.

“Oh crap,” you could see them saying, “here she comes again.”

“Could I add something to the road on the inside, you know like people who would put their initials in concrete sidewalks?  Could I just run and grab a couple of things from my garden to set into the tar?  It would be inside the ditch…no one would see it when they drove by.”

You could see them wondering how to say no.

And then I pulled out the cookies.

And they could not in all good conscience even THINK about saying no.

So I limped and hobbled quickly up to my garden and grabbed a few keepsakes.  Two mosaic glass garden hearts:  one to stand for my sweet Varmint, and one to stand for my feisty Critter.  And I also added a Stone that read, “Laugh.”

Perfect.

Not Classy…

…but perfect.

Just think, all of this because someone accidentally mowed down our landscaping!  We got a kitten and a custom-personalized street edge out of it.

‘Merica!!!

So, you see, My Captain was concerned about the steep drop-off of the road in front of The Little Cottage, and that really is what led to our new kitten.  It’s his fault, if you really want to know.  Left to my own devices, I would have had no reason to take on another mouth to feed.

He’s really got no business rolling his eyes at me, you know.

It happened like this:  First, I came home to notice that the landscaping that we had been painstakingly nurturing over the past five years had been mowed inadvertently by the County Roads Crew.

We’re talking Oak Saplings grown from Acorns my children had gathered, and Ivy I had rooted myself.  Hosta we’d grown from seed, and Fern we’d lovingly bought on sale at Lowes.  (What?  Don’t judge.)

Be being the pacifist that I am (NOT), I called the County and said the equivalent of “Oh No You DIDN’T!”

And the County sent their top guy out to me the very next morning.

No, seriously!  I know it sounds like fiction, but by golly there was a man at my door the next morning!

As we were working out how the County would fix the property damage, Mike, who is by all accounts one of the nicest guys I’ve ever met, happened to notice the very steep drop-off of the road by our house.

It’s happened from erosion and it’s crumbling the road, you see.  My Captain has been wanting to put larger stones in the ditch to prevent it from eroding further, but we’ve been busy with other projects!

Mike mentioned two things:  1) He would be happy to get the county roads crew to fix the ditch and 2) He had a full litter of kittens at the Roads Garage in need of a home, and would anyone be interested?

And he might have pegged me for the sap that I am.

And he might have mentioned that the ditch could get fixed faster if we would take a kitten or two off their hands.

So, you see, it was all for the ditch, and making My Captain happy that we ended up with this little guy.

My Captain has taken it fairly in stride.

Though,

to be honest,

he would probably take it better if the little stinker didn’t keep sticking his buttocks in My Captain’s Face when he’s working.