It happened again. Kind of like it did in ~ I Hate You ~, but the results were drastically, staggeringly different.
I’ve found myself alone, again. I’m a social critter. I don’t do well when I’m alone for long periods of time.
My Critter and Varmint are off to visit the Deep South for Spring Break. My Captain is at work at the Firestation. My cats are off licking their tender parts, and my fish is a jerk.
Here I am late in the evening, too wired to go to bed, and so I wander around the cottage bored and increasingly anxious in my solitude.
I hate where my brain goes when it is unchecked by more rational, left-brained people. It’s a weird, Charlie and The Chocolate Factory/ James and The Giant Peach / Alice in Wonderland kind of place.
I don’t know how they all go together, but they do in my mind, which gives you an indication of my mood.
My safest bet is turning to food, which in turn will make me sleepy, which will help me turn off my wacky brain. The last time this happened, all I could find was the makings of a salad. And I hate salad more than I hate pants that continually ride up until your underwear feels like a thong.
But I ate it.
Tonight, when my thoughts turned to food, I found the least healthy choice available, and jumped at it.
When you have something that contains the four food groups: Salt, Fat, Sugar, and Cholesterol, you can bet I’m all in. Oh yeah, you can take that to the bank.
So let me paint this picture for you:
First: A plate with mayonnaise, then, Sweet Pickle Relish, then Lemon Juice, and topped with Dill.
And then Gingerly, and Ever So Lovingly, I placed these babies side by side on top:
Beer Battered Cod.
Oh HONEY. I LOVE YOU.
I know we’re not right for each other, and that you are bad…so very very bad. You’re so bad that you’re good….mmmmmmmmmm.
And now something to wash you down…something cold. Something Numerical:
Ah yes…. I like the numbers 151. Especially when they are served in an old cheese jar with ice and Sprite. Come to me, my darling.
I think I’m making progress in this whole co-dependence thing with My Captain. I’ve moved from nasty, disappointing salads to fat-laden battered fish and mind-numbing spirits.
I can’t wait to see what the next bout of loneliness brings…..