Family

~ Dapper Moose ~

Posted on March 6, 2016 by mamaboe

March has hit The Little Cottage, full-tilt! The children’s art wall now sports homemade St. Patty’s day clovers from years-gone-by.

Every year, our family has gathered at the kitchen table to make our own artistic renderings of shamrocks. No, we’re not Irish, but we do like to celebrate like we were!!!

Who wouldn’t? No one, that’s who!

This was Varmint’s, from last year……

…and this was Critters from 2008….he had a hard time writing his name (Garrick), and so this particular shamrock is known as the “Gorrk Shamrock”.

And this one was Grandma Jane’s from way back in….oh, wait…it was last year. Let’s be honest…she pencil-whipped it. Grandma Jane has a problem with whipping up motivation to make shamrocks. I think that particular shamrock was her way of saying “Here’s my bleepity bleep bleep family shamrock…can we eat now?” She’s like that….

And after we do the shamrocks, which everyone except Grandma happily does, we dress up the Moose. He has a nice top hat and bow tie. He’s dapper, that guy.

You’ll note the yummy muffins in the background. I wish I could brag that they were homemade, but this particular carbo-loaded pile is fresh from the store.

I’ll be honest, my muffins suck. No Blarney. For real. I’ve rarely been able to turn out a perfectly fluffy muffin. Got a C in Home Economics on my muffins because I was too rough on my batter. Some things never change.

Don’t tell anyone. I live in shame, to this day.

Where was I?

Right, the Moose. My Captain dressed him yesterday. He did it super fast, too. Faster than you could look up how to spell Shillelagh….which took me longer than you’d believe because I’m a bonehead, apparently.

He walked out there, all casual-like, threw the costume on lightning-quick, and hightailed it back to the house before more than a couple of cars passed the house.

Our Dapper Leprechaun Moose. Do you think My Captain was embarrassed to be seen doing that for me? That’s love, I tell ya.

Eleven more days until St. Patty’s day! Not that we’re counting or anything!

Don’t judge.

Categories: Family, Food | Tags: Critter, Family, fun, funny, goofy, kids, Parenting, raising children, silly, varmint | Leave a comment

~ Multi-Grip Valentine ~

Posted on February 10, 2016 by mamaboe

I get the award for THE BEST Valentine’s gift to a hubby this year. I don’t care if you gals got your hubbies season tickets to a private box at Oriole Park at Camden Yards. I don’t care if you got your Beloveds a case of his favorite, over-priced microbrew and a booklet of homemade coupons for favors that you made out of candy sweethearts. I WON this Valentine’s Day. I’m the queen. Put a Capital on that: I’m the QUEEN of Valentine Wifey Gifts for 2016.

“WHAT???” You beg, jumping up and down in excitement, “What makes you the Queen this year, Mama?”

I’m so glad you asked!

I thought about My Captain, and how difficult he is to give to during any holiday. He’s impossible to shop for for Christmas, Birthdays, you name it. It’s not that he’s high-maintenance, or overly particular. It’s that he is exactly the opposite! He is LOW-Maintenance. He doesn’t want anyone spending time and money on him. He ignores the argument that other people might enjoy giving as much as he does. He refuses to be a receiver.

Santa gave up on him decades ago.

So I thought about him. And I thought, and I thought, and I thought. What makes this man happy? What, within my realm, could I possibly give him to make him grin ear-to-ear, and feel absolutely taken care of, the way he makes me feel so supported? What do you give such a man???

Which led me to this stroke of genius: HELLO!! He’s a MAN! The answer was suddenly so obvious, if it had been a snake, it would have bitten me. Twice.

My friends, I bought him a TOOL. But not just ANY tool! I bought him a genyouuuuuiiiine, original, one-and-only FIRE FALCON.

fire-falcon-product-sheet

I gave it to him today, in advance of Valentine’s Day, because I have NO ability to keep a secret, and I just CAN’T WAIT!!!! Patience has never been my strong suit. Thank goodness My Captain finds it charming!

At least, I tell him he does.

What is the Fire Falcon? I mentioned it in my last post: Stovetop Grease Fire, A Love Story. This is the best, fanciest, hardest-core, extreme firefighting tool ever made, here, and around the world.

It’s not cheap, because it’s made of highest grade materials, like composite, steel and fiberglass.

It has advanced engineering, and was created by one of the oldest, saltiest firemen in the nation.

It is The Cadillac of fire-overhaul and battle weapons. This thing is THE BOMB, and every firefighter out there secretly covets one of these. Believe me, it’s right up there with the lastest iPod, or iWatch, or gizmo gadget. Anyone who uses this thing can’t HELP but channel a little bit of Batman when he’s working.

fire-falcon-tool-view-2

What, exactly, does the Fire Falcon do?

When a firefighter is in a fire, they have to COMPLETELY extinguish that fire, and they have to get it right the first time. And if the fire has extended into areas that are hidden, ie: behind walls, or over ceilings, or under floors, they have to find it. To do this they have to expose these areas…they have to open the walls or the ceilings, or the floors, to find a sinister little phenomenon that they call “Fire Extension.” Using the right tool to expose this can mean the difference between life and death….No Joke.

See the three-pronged grapple talons, or, as I like to call them, ‘whosie-whatsies’ on the one end? (Do NOT judge my kitchen rug…I’m not a photographer, people! I’m a Mama!)

2016-02-10 11.03.17

It’s closed, then with a twist of the multi-tool handle, the spring-loaded talons open. It can be used to break through a ceiling or wall, and the talons will fold down as it passes through the drywall, then open to a grapple-hook of sorts… (Do NOT judge my poor camera skills!)

2016-02-10 11.00.32

…which then can grab more dry wall, or whatever they are trying to clear to get to fire extension. It saves valuable time and muscle resource, and come on, it’s cool as all get out.

See the loop on each end?

2016-02-10 11.03.11

Those are for attaching rescue carabiners, in case of a need to bailout of a window, or off a roof, or some such calamity. In other words, a firefighter in need of extreme escape can ram the grapple hook through a wall after attaching his rope to it, and then fling himself down and away from the inferno with a much greater chance of survival. That’s a good thing!

And see this other end?

2016-02-10 11.03.30

It’s a hammer. It’s a Prying End. It’s a combo-grip. This end is great for prying apart trim work, breaking doors, ramming walls, and other forcible entry needs, and it’s also a mighty comfortable handle.

2016-02-10 10.59.56

And look at the grip. THAT is a grip, baby! (I’m talking about the handle, not the hand!)

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OF COURSE I did my homework, and asked the company to send the right size for My Captain. The Fire Falcon comes in many sizes to fit each firefighter! My Beloved is a long, tall drink of water, and he needed a big one!

I think he liked it. I KNOW he wasn’t expecting his Valentine’s present to be made of Steel and Fiberglass. I definitely know he is the only one on his shift that is getting one for Valentine’s Day! He’s special! So yeah, I think he liked it.

2016-02-10 10.59.30

Wanna know how I know?

2016-02-10 11.01.09

I win!!

Love,

Valentine’s Queen, 2016

Categories: Family, Fire and Rescue | Tags: Fire and Rescue, firefighting, funny, Love, silly | Leave a comment

~ Complete Failure ~

Posted on September 28, 2015 by mamaboe

I saw this video on Facebook for a dessert that I HAD to try. It was easy. It was fancy schmancy looking. And it was going to be on my dinner menu tonight!!!

I wish I had a clue how to transfer the video to this blog, but I don’t, so tough beans! It is basically a slice of puff pastry dough, brushed with apricot jam, lined with thinly sliced, lemon-water-soaked, par-cooked apple slices, and rolled up to look like a rose, then baked.

I did all of that. And when I pulled these babies from the oven.

They…

Looked….

Absolutely….

Perfect.

I mean, these apple roses could have been in that video!

I could not wait to serve them up and taste them! I was so pleased!

Everyone…My Captain, my brats, and Grandma Jane, all looked suitably impressed! My chest puffed with pride! My head grew larger! I became very condescending to any questions about how to make these. I was all, “Well, of COURSE you have to slice the apples so very thinly, which takes a lot of careful and talented knife-work….blah, blah, blah….”

And they looked so cute on our dinner plates next to the PoorMan Steak and Escalloped Cabbage Casserole I served along with it. I so wished I had a Better Homes and Garden photographer on hand.

And you know what? These beautiful, delectable looking apple roses…..

SUCKED.

They were awful. Tasteless. Weird-textured. Hard to swallow.

I deflated faster than a Superbowl football. I looked at the faces around the table. My beloved family was trying hard to swallow these little fruit bombs. They were kind, but I know they are starting to dread my gastronomical experiments.

Pity them.

But don’t judge!

Categories: Family, Food | Tags: Dessert, Dinner, Food, funny | Leave a comment

~ Icing On The Cake ~

Posted on September 4, 2015 by mamaboe

Yesterday, on My Captain’s 50th birthday, the entire Montgomery County Fire and Rescue Operations Staff were out pounding the pavement for their annual Muscular Dystrophy Association Fundraising Drive.

In other words, they were trading in their good looks and charming dispositions for the loose change in the ashtray of every vehicle that stopped at the intersection they held up.

It was a hot, humid day, as always. Actually, it was a hot and humid 3 days, as all three shifts in the county get to participate. They actually compete against each other to see who can raise the most donations. In years past, My Captain’s shift has fared really well on that contest. I don’t know what they were doing to win…maybe going shirtless and just wearing their running gear pants and suspenders or something. (Obviously, the female firefighters could seriously pull in the moola with that maneuver).

One year, I offered to stand out there with them. It was hotter than this year, and I, in all of my soft and squishy mama-ness got overheated and nearly passed out. It was rawwwwthar embarrassing, took time for the guys to get me out of the street and into the shade, and basically was a big pain in the butt for people trying to accomplish something other than dealing with me!

This year I was like, “Hey Hon, do you want me to come hold a boot for a while?” and he was like, “Er…don’t you have a birthday cake to make or something?”

But fortunately, they didn’t really need me and my begging talents. All the fire stations’ shifts were already out. This is Engine 732’s crew. They are the next station over from My Captain’s station. Their station is shiny and new and big and has professionals to clean the place unlike My Captain’s aging firehouse. Those things don’t make 32 a better fire shift, but it is something I like to bring up over and over again, just to stir the pot.

And here is Station 8’s Captain, none other than My Captain’s best friend, (since 3rd grade when his father forced him to play with My Captain,) Ty.

Ty lets his wife hold the boot.

Well, he kind of has to, since she is a firefighter:

paramedic/badass:

at Fire Station 34, who probably doesn’t fall out in a little heat during the MDA drive.

But the point is, she gets to play.

And I don’t. I mean, geez, you fall out one time and they never let you come play in the traffic again.

Where was I?

Oh yeah, Captain Ty was out in the traffic, too.

I think we can all agree that Ty is hot. No, I mean HOT, like, it was stinkin HOT, and humid out.

That, and he’s really good looking and virile. If you like that sort of thing.

Which Maggie does.

And she’s no slouch herself.

I want to be her when I grow up. I also want to be a Moose. Like a real Montana Moose. But that is for an entirely different counseling session, altogether.

Back to My Captain’s shift. So they were out playing in the traffic, raising quite a bit of money for Jerry’s Kids.

And nobody got hit this year.

Which is nice.

Last year, My Captain had a few near misses. We won’t elaborate on why people with ADD shouldn’t play in traffic, I don’t care what their rank is.

At the end of the day, the guys counted up all the donations. I think My Captain’s shift pulled in something like $8,000. THAT is a LOT of pennies, folks. Some of them, Canadian.

I think they also received a few Hershey’s Park play tokens, and a few ladies’ phone numbers, but MDA let them keep those.

But NONE of this is the point to this post. The POINT is that last year, for My Captain’s birthday, I had the time to bake him his favorite Boston Cream Pie.

It was a real Beaut!

THIS year, however, my kitchen is all torn up, I’m not sure where all of my baking pans are, and I didn’t have time. It’s his 50th birthday, and I couldn’t even bake him a ding-dang cake, even though he was working all day in the heat for MDA during his shift, AND running emergency calls, AND trying to get administration stuff done. And I couldn’t even give him a homemade cake.

I suck, is what I’m saying.

But I DID go buy a cake that the shift could share after they got off of the roads last night. And since I suck, I didn’t order it decorated ahead of time, so I had to write the birthday wishes on it myself.

I had a little trouble with the icing.

Ahem.

My Captain sent me a photo after they cut into it, to show me how well the icing fared, as it sat in the fire house, for hours, waiting for the guys to finish the MDA street walking……

Eeeesh.

It’s a damn good thing that My Captain has low expectations in a mate.

Don’t judge.

Categories: Family, Fire and Rescue | Tags: Family, Fire and Rescue, firefighter paramedic, friends, fun, funny, goofy, Montgomery County Fire and Rescue | 1 Comment

~ Critter’s Quest ~

Posted on July 9, 2015 by mamaboe

If you have children… Or if you had children, and they are now grown…. Or if you ever were a child yourself (wait, what?), then this story will take you back, make you smile, and put warm squishy fuzzy feelings in your gut, similar to that of gas from a Taco Bell Volcano Supreme Burrito.

THIS is Critter’s living room fort. It spans the entire room, and uses all of the chairs, including My Captain’s favorite recliner. To get into the fort, you have to say the password.

How do you get the password? You have to go on a quest for it, of course.

I had just picked up My Captain from the airport shuttle this evening, and he was exhausted from several days of training out in San Diego, and feeling sick in general. He wanted nothing more than to pop open one of his high-falootin’ fancy schmancy micro-brew beers, kick back in his recliner, and let Sir Monty of Stinky Butt curl up in his lap to bring his blood pressure down.

But he didn’t know the password. So guess who had to start a quest for the password, and was good natured enough about it to be resigned to said quest, instead of stomping his feet and ripping down the fort? That’s right, My Beloved.

Here was the beginning:

Aha! Cookie’s gravestone is in the Hosta Garden out back.

We’ll start there!

There, buried deep in the hostas and Lily of the Valley, lies Cookie, our sweet calico who lived to the ripe old age of 18 before she passed on to the great catnip fields in the sky.

We followed the smashed hosta leaves to Cookie’s grave marker, and found the next clue. Note to self: Remind Critter that henceforth we will NOT be placing clues in any of mommy’s flower beds.

Hmmm. My Captain wonders if Critter is crazy enough to mean the country road we live on.

We shudder to think of him crouching down on this road….long enough to tape a clue to the pavement.

Who knew scotch tape worked on asphalt?

The only ‘ride’ we ever had was an old Zip Line we had, that a tree took down during Hurricane Sandy. And the only part of that left is the stand My Captain and Papa built for it.

And it is all the way back UP…

the stinkin’ hill.

(Did I mention My Captain was tired from traveling several thousand miles today?)

What is high as an elephant’s eye?

Wait a minute, Varmint was in the musical Oklahoma earlier this year. We found ourselves singing:”The corn is as high as an elephant’s eyyyyyyyyeeeeeee.”

He couldn’t have put the next clue all the way out in the corn field, could he?

Through the magical fairy path in the woods (yes, complete with glitter on the trail….)

and through the prickers, raspberries, and poison ivy….

Until it opens up to the great corn field.

and we find the password.

All of that effort for this ridiculous password.

Was it worth it?

Eyup.

You bet your sweet Schnitzel it was.

Categories: Family | Tags: Critter, fun, funny, kids, Parenting, raising children, silly | Leave a comment

Family

~ Dapper Moose ~

~ Multi-Grip Valentine ~

~ Complete Failure ~

~ Icing On The Cake ~

~ Critter’s Quest ~

Mama Boe

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~ Dapper Moose ~

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~ Multi-Grip Valentine ~

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~ Complete Failure ~

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~ Icing On The Cake ~

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~ Critter’s Quest ~

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Mama Boe

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