Monthly Archives: May 2012

~ Cleavage ~

I prefer to wear bathing suits that are on the modest side.  And the older I get, modesty requires more and more fabric.  I’ve always been a fan of the ‘swim skirt’ style…you know, the frilly little ruffled numbers that scream, “SUMMER TIME!”.  And now, in my 40’s, and at my current heft, the swim skirts I’ve sported at the beach have, out of necessity, changed to ‘swim dresses’.

Oh they are still just cute as a button…just more so now.  Like, a yard-and-a-half more so.

And I bought this beautiful Black-and-White number for this season that has ruffles and a little flirty bit of red trim along the neckline and bottom hem.  It’s just TOO cute.

Here’s the picture from the catalog.

I put it on, accessorized with some cheeky looking red hoop earrings, and felt so pretty.

And then I looked down.

YOWZA! 

Boobies were everywhere. 

Remember, I like modesty.  I like to leave things to the imagination.  I’m not a prude, I just like people to think I’m more attractive than I really am.  If I cover it up, there’s a slight chance that I’m hiding something fantastic.  If I put it out there for all to see, well, let’s face it, 44-year-old boobs are 44-year-old boobs.  No one wants to see that.

Think tube socks with tennis balls hanging in the ends of them.  That about captures it.

But even when I had breasts to be proud of, I didn’t like to show them off.  It just felt so awkward.  That was not what I wanted to be noticed for….then or now.

I sewed the suit’s neckline up a lot higher tonight, telling myself that ‘I’m not a prude’, over and over and over again.

But I do like a little red-rimmed ruffle every now and again.

 

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~ Burning Dinner…..Again ~

Ok, so my knee hurts like a son of a gun.  It’s bad.  It’s real bad.

Yeah, yeah, I’m a hypochondriac.  But just because I am always looking for something to be wrong doesn’t mean that there really isn’t something wrong.   Is that so wrong?

I’m at the beach right now.  Bethany Beach, Delaware.  We are at my father’s house here.  He’s dead now, but I always feel him here.  Especially when I walk the coastline.

Oh wait.  I can’t walk the coastline right now because my knee hurts like a son of a gun. All I can do is limp myself down to my chair under the umbrella and hope I don’t have to pee soon.

It’s such a pain in the …… I mean, I’m an active woman.  I like to be doing.  But this #$&*%#!! knee is stopping me from doing just about anything.

It hurts so much I can’t even cook.  ME!  It hurts to stand long enough to even just make a homemade casserole.  I’ve had to resort to (big breath) serving pre-made frozen dinners to my family.  That wouldn’t be SO bad if I didn’t continually burn them.

You see, the oven of my Dad’s old house is circa 1950.  It cooks like it, too.

The Stouffer’s Macaroni and Cheese that burnt to a carbon base on the bottom but remained frozen on the top….Yeah, that was pretty bad.

And the Frozen lasagna that only cooked around the edges before it started burning.  That was pretty bad too.

I suppose a good thing to come out of this is that my family really really really appreciates the efforts I usually make to serve home-made meals.  I don’t know when they’ll be eating them again, at this rate.

What I’m trying to say is you all need to pity me.   Feel deeply for my plight.  Send me letters of encouragement.

And a casserole or two.

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~ Coast Guard Retirement ~

Our dear friends, Mark and Alice, are moving.  Mark has just retired from a long, adventurous, glory-filled career in the United States Coast Guard.  I won’t tell you his exact rank when he retired, but I will tell you that he wore the ‘Big Hat’.  He made a lot of decisions.  Some he was loved for, some…not so much.  But the point was that he had the courage to make them.  He’s done everything from fighting drug runners on the high seas, to saving cuban refugees from certain drowning.  He did it all for his love of country and family.

And now, he has earned his time to rest.

Alice is a woman of MANY talents.  Not only did she birth two ginormous sons who are now in the Coast Guard and Air Force, respectively, not only did she put up with being moved all over the country because of Mark’s Coast Guard career, but she is also as smart as a whip, a mean scuba-diver, a textile artist (she has woven me some beautiful scarves over the years), and organizer extraordinaire!  Add to that her remarkable natural blonde beauty, and I have to really TRY not to hate her.

I love this picture of them.  We took it when we went out for a final dinner together before they move to Louisiana.  (Where is that, you ask?  I have no idea.  I THINK it is somewhere north of Mexico.)

It’s a terrific photo of them.  I’m particularly proud of it, because to GET to this photo, I had to put up with this:

and this:

and this:

It wasn’t just the four of us (Mark, Alice, My Captain and Me) at dinner.  We also had our dear friends Joe and Eleny with us.  You might remember Eleny from the previous post: ~ Recruits ~.  Eleny and Joe are the proud, tired, wupped parents of 2-year-old twins.

And Mark and Joe are cousins.

Joe is a Captain in the Navy.  He went to the United States Naval Academy with one of my brothers, and that is how I met him.

And, of course, his beautiful wife, Eleny, who is not only the mother of Zach and Vincent, but also is a Medical Doctor.

Who is beautiful to boot.  Brains, beauty…and a delicious lemon drop martini.  Joe never had it so good!

I know Eleny  from college…and you know who put her and Joe together???   You guessed it.  MOI.  I’m like a little Scottish/Italian “Yente”.  (of course, I used the word ‘little’ with some creative license….)

So picture this table: Mark and Joe are Military…both leaders.  Alice is the strong back-boned organizer and drill sergeant of their constantly moving household. My Captain is in the Fire Rescue Service, Urban Search And Rescue Special Ops unit, and is also a leader.  Eleny is a scarily-intelligent Medical Doctor and mother of twins…also a leader.  And then… there is me.

***sigh***  And they wonder why I drink.

Anyways…

I love these people.  I really do.  They are movers and shakers, driven, leaders, honorable, heroic, humble, everything I am not.  Really, if anything, they need me to be their foil.

Just look at this handsome couple.

Hey!  Wait a minute!  That’s MY guy!  You go back to your Navy Captain.  You can’t have MY Captain!!!

I swear, you have to watch these people EVERY minute.

We had a wonderful, bittersweet dinner, laughing while the men told stories about their adventures in the Coast Guard, the Navy, and the Fire Service, and the women mocked them lovingly.  We knew it would be the last such dinner for a long long time, if not forever.

Mark and Alice leave this weekend to this strange and unknown territory known as “Louisiana.”  We have no idea what new fate awaits them.  But we will think of them, and miss them and love them anyways.

***Sniffle****

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~Nutrition~

We took Varmint and Critter to Hershey Park last weekend because:

1) We are the BEST parents in the whole world.

2) It’s better than staying home and doing laundry.

3) Apparently we have no idea what “Save your money” means.

and

4) Because we like to eat foods that are unnatural colors.

HUH?

My friends, I give you exhibit A:

What natural food would cause these discolorations?  None, I tell you.  Absolutely none.  And what chemicals would cause these discolorations?  Plenty.  And most likely they will be linked to cancer,  if they haven’t already.

Does that stop my children from taking a moment to honor our country?  Heck no.

Exhibit B:

Varmint grabs a napkin….”Look mom!  Red, White, and Blue!”

Brings a tear to my eye, really.

Ok, so, true story…..I planned this trip to Hershey Park on that particular weekend because they have a brand spankin’ new rollercoaster, called ‘Skyrush’,  that is the mother of all rollercoasters (at least, at HERSHEY) and I wanted my kids to get a chance to ride it before the hordes came when school was out next month.

I made them get up early on a Sunday (blasphemy), I made them sit in the car for 2.5 hours.  I made My Captain pay the crazy expensive entrance fee to Hershey.

Only to find out that the ride does not open until after Memorial Day.

Attention to details…apparently not my strong suit.

But it’s ok!  Varmint and Critter had other kiddie rides to distract them, in addition to the painfully-colored, chemically-created foods.

I call this one, “THE PUKER”.

It looks sedate in this picture, but this was the only time it was still enough to get a shot.  The rest of the time it spun around violently, and flung their little ‘plane’s up and down and all around.

Money well spent.

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~ The Elders ~

It takes an innate ability to read an audience to be a decent classroom instructor.  Especially when your students are:

1) Adults,

2) Very Bright,

3) In your class mandatorily to maintain their certification, and,

4) Medics.

I don’t know that I would have the courage to lecture such a roughened, seasoned, bunch of extreme, living-on-the-edge-for-a-career kind of people.

(Heck I’m amazed I have the courage to show up at all, even just to sit in the back.)

But these guys do:

Joe, Adam, and Ty….Decades of experience between them.  Hundreds of lives saved or healed for the better because of them, personally.  Thousands of lives affected positively because of the medics they teach and train.

To be able to teach a subject is to have mastered it.  To be able to teach it in a way that keeps the student not only interested, but also entertained, is a talent.

In this particular case, everybody wins.  The teachers, for the mastery… the students, to grow their skills and knowledge… and the citizens they serve, for they will get better care for it.

Most people don’t realize how much work goes into and behind each and every 911 call that goes out.  It’s not as simple as getting into an ambulance and picking the patient or victim up.  Hours and hours of training go into it.

Why?

Because the medics want to do a good job?

Because the medics don’t want to be caught with their pants down?

Because the medics are afraid of litigation?

Because the medics have some kind of ‘Hero’ or ‘God’ complex?

No.

It’s simply because they care.

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