I have a candy corn fetish.  But before you roll your eyes, lemme esplain!!!

Look, I know I shouldn’t eat so much candy corn.

I know it’s really bad for me, what with the sugar and the coloring chemicals.

I get that it’s only pushing me ever so closer to getting Type II Diabetes, which would be no joke, if it really happened.

And I’m keenly aware that the seams in my pants are already giving it all they’ve got.

But it’s such a happy kind of food….

it’s so colorful and exciting!

Which is why I decided to make the 9ft carved wooden moose in our front yard a new costume for Halloween this year in the likeness of the delicious treat!

He loved it, obviously.

And even though from the street it looks more like some kind of foreign flag,…

you and I know it’s really a monument to my beloved Candy Corn fetish.

And since the polyester satin I found in the sewing aisle at Walmart had the stuff for $1.50 a yard,  I was able to buy enough fabric to make his costume long enough…

to cover his hooves, you know, to add more, er, realism.

I mean what true candy corn would sport moose hooves?

None is the answer.  Corn simply does not have hooves.

Fun Fact: You can make martinis with them very easily…soak the candy corn in vodka till it nearly dissolves.  Shake, add ice, sugar the rim, and make friends galore!

You’re welcome.

Our town, like most little ‘Mayberry-esque” towns, has an annual town day.

In our case, it’s called “Poolesville Day” as the town’s name is, er, “Poolesville.”

Are you with me?

Try to keep up.

Every year attendance is impressive, to say the least.

And at the beginning of each Poolesville Day is a parade, which is full of campy, wonderful, innocent, old-fashioned fun.   Cheerleaders, athletes, politicians, drama clubs, charity organizations, horse clubs, fire trucks, bands, you name it.  It’s all there.

And every year at least one of my punks is in the parade for some reason or another.  This year, they were both in it!  And Critter had the distinction of being part of the middle school band that played The Star Spangled Banner at the raising of the Flag, and placing of the ceremonial wreath.

It was a beautiful sight!

Varmint was with the cheerleaders….but for the first time, instead of being one of the cheerleaders as she has been in years past, she actually was a coach …at the tender age of 14!   And she is co-coaching (or, as I like to say, ‘herding cats’) these little tiny girls with Katie, the daughter of a friend of mine.

And you know something?  I think she actually has had more fun coaching than she ever did cheering.  She’s a natural-born teacher/leader/bossy-head, that girl!  Keep an eye on her…she’ll probably be President someday.  God, I love that kid.

Critter was also in the parade with the local drama club – The Phantom Players – and was throwing candy to the parade-watchers.  I pray that he threw it all underhanded for the duration of the parade.  I have to pray this, because when the parade reached my position at the booth of the local newspaper I write for – The Monocacy Monocle – he NAILED me with a Tootsie Roll. I’m talking an over-handed, baseball style, wind-up pitch…while giggling hysterically.

Who knew Tootsie Rolls could gather so much velocity?  It stung like heck…

…but it was tasty!

WHAT?  It was a Tootsie Roll, for crying out loud.  Who doesn’t unwrap and devour a parade Tootsie Roll the minute it hits you? No one, that’s who.

Now, I love my children with all of my heart, and I know these days of their youth are speeding by…never to be re-lived.  I keenly value…OH do I value!…these moments.  I horde these memories for when I’m an empty nester.  Even knowing this, however,  did I get a picture of myself with Critter with the band at the opening ceremony, or for his roll in the parade with the Drama club?  Nope.

Did I get a picture of myself with Varmint with her 1st grade cheerleading squad? Nope.

Did I get a picture of myself with Critter as his band played at the band-shell later on in the day? (A middle school rendition of “We Will Rock You” that will remain forever engrained in my brain.)  Nope.

Did I get a picture with the local frozen yogurt shop’s mascot?

Oh HELL yes.

Did you expect anything different?

Don’t judge.