I have a candy corn fetish. But before you roll your eyes, lemme esplain!!!
Look, I know I shouldn’t eat so much candy corn.
I know it’s really bad for me, what with the sugar and the coloring chemicals.
I get that it’s only pushing me ever so closer to getting Type II Diabetes, which would be no joke, if it really happened.
And I’m keenly aware that the seams in my pants are already giving it all they’ve got.
But it’s such a happy kind of food….
it’s so colorful and exciting!
Which is why I decided to make the 9ft carved wooden moose in our front yard a new costume for Halloween this year in the likeness of the delicious treat!
He loved it, obviously.
And even though from the street it looks more like some kind of foreign flag,…
you and I know it’s really a monument to my beloved Candy Corn fetish.
And since the polyester satin I found in the sewing aisle at Walmart had the stuff for $1.50 a yard, I was able to buy enough fabric to make his costume long enough…
to cover his hooves, you know, to add more, er, realism.
I mean what true candy corn would sport moose hooves?
None is the answer. Corn simply does not have hooves.
Fun Fact: You can make martinis with them very easily…soak the candy corn in vodka till it nearly dissolves. Shake, add ice, sugar the rim, and make friends galore!