It started on Friday afternoon.  Quiet at first; so much so that I wouldn’t have noticed at all if I hadn’t stepped in it.

It got worse overnight, more frequently and loud enough to wake me from a sound sleep.

Nothing will get your attention faster than a cat retching into your clean laundry basket at 2:00 in the morning.

Why do they always heave 4 times before they actually produce a chunk of vomit? Why is that?

I called the vet at Noon.  We talked over options and decided to wait and see if he was still sick on Monday.  By that night he was so tired and dehydrated that after he retched he would just lay down right there in the puke.

He’d stopped cleaning himself entirely.  Saturday night I bathed him with a warm washcloth.

By Sunday he had stopped retching, and started eating and drinking again.  I thought maybe we were over the hump.

So I didn’t take him in on Monday.

Tuesday morning at 6:00am, Varmint called up the stairs, “MOM!  Gracie puked in my closet!”

I knew we would be at the vet that day.

Dr. Simmons is a nice lady, and seemed a competent veterinarian.  We talked about the possibilities.  Considered our options.  Discussed finances.

We did the x-ray.  We did the bloodwork.

And then she sent us on our way.

Getting a professional to confirm that your cat is fine…..$200.00.

The look of gratitude on your daughter’s face for spending her Christmas Gift Money on her cat….PRICELESS.

If you are just now tuning in, you need to know I have arthritis in my right knee, brought on by sports injuries from Collegiate TaeKwonDo, carrying extra weight from my gestations, and treating my body like a pool hall, in general.

Oh, I’m 44 and have the mileage of an 80-year-old.

We’re talking City Miles.

And you should probably know I’m a whiner.  So if you keep reading my  drivel  blog, you’ll hear plenty about the Godforsaken Knee.

This Thanksgiving our little community had a 5K run/walk.  We do it often because one of our townsfolk, Gail Lee, of The Biggest Loser fame, is determined to help the rest of us share in her health success.

I like Gail.  She’s got the energy of a decent-sized star, only brighter.  I like to support her endeavors, and join in her sense of community.  And we do have a wonderful Mayberry-esque community here in Poolesville, Maryland.

The first thing this nippy, but sunny, Thanksgiving morning, My Captain and I put on our comfy clothes and met a none-too-shabby group of stalwart souls in the parking lot where the 5K would start.

Understand this:  My knee cannot handle 5K.  It can barely handle the walk from my easy-chair to the cupboard where I keep the Easy Cheese.  But I hate feeling that I’m missing something.

My Captain kept begging me “Don’t Do This!  You’ll be laid up for days.”

I stubbornly held my ground, determined to walk at least 1 mile.  One. Measly. Little. Mile.

My Captain, well-knowing my current physiological challenges, didn’t even put his tennis shoes on, or his coffee down.

OUCH.

There I am in my yoga pants, my super-spiffy athletic fleece from LL Bean, and my polypropylene underwear, and he’s in his clunky work boots, Carhartt canvas jacket, and carrying an extra-large McDonald’s coffee.  And he’s walking faster than me.

I used to be athletic!  I whitewater kayaked!  I earned a black belt and fought large women, some of whom had hair on their backs!  I biked hundreds of miles around large portions of states.  I WAS A CONTENDER!!!!

***sigh***

And now I limp around whining about the passing of my youth.

But I did my one measly mile, dagnabbit.  Even if I did hobble like a penguin, I’m glad I did it.  I may not be what I once was, but I’m alive.  And it felt good to be out moving in the sunshine with the love of my life.

And I’ll be blogging from my family room for the next several days with an ice-pack on my knee.

Someone go get me the Easy Cheese for gosh sake.

It will never matter what his age is.  Chronology has absolutely nothing to do with it.  It wouldn’t matter if the Earth made 50 revolutions around the sun.

Oh, sure, with time there must be growth.  But the essence of who he is, and his relation to me….

Will.  Never.  Change.

The only question that remains is….

How long will he be able to maintain his secret identity?

He did NOT want to go.

He was PEEVED that his father and I were forcing him to try it.

All he wanted to do was stay at home and design new paper airplanes.

His sister even joined in and said she would do it to support him.

His response was an evil stink-eye, and a chin stuck out so mutinously, he would have fit right in on Bligh’s HMS Bounty.

But we got him there.  It took his father, his sister, and I to shove him in….literally…  but we got him in.

The only problem after that?

……

…..Getting him to leave.

Turns out that the Hip Hop class at Hope Garden Dance Studio in Poolesville, Maryland is where all the cool boys hang out.  There were so many boys there of various ages, and all of them acrobatic as all get out….it was astounding.  Seriously, so many kids were participating, there was hardly enough room for them all.

Never having been “cool” a moment of my life, I had no idea Hip Hop was so popular.  I also didn’t realize that it is virtually a sport.  How would I describe it? It’s as if the left brain is dancing with the right brain to music with such energy and pulse, it makes the walls shake!

My knees hurt just watching.

Hip Hop.

Cooler than you think.

For the record, I have no desire to brag ad nauseam like some out-of-control, maternal monster living vicariously through her progeny.

I am officially NOT going to bore my friends and readers with self-serving stories of my offspring’s success.

In no way will I gush with overwhelming pride for my child’s accomplishments.

Far be it from me to even mention Varmint’s recent attainment of excellent grades, or perfect attendance.

How obnoxious would that be?  Not to mention potentially embarrassing to poor Varmint? She has no need or even desire to be singled out.  It is enough to her that her family loves her.  She doesn’t need anyone else’s affirmation.  She has always had the strength to walk her own road, and be her own motivation.

So we are not going to talk about any of that.

What I would like to discuss, however, is the absolute injustice perpetrated on the parents of the 6th grade class at John Poole Middle School during the most recent Honor Roll Ceremony.

We arrived at the auxiliary gymnasium where the honor roll ceremony was to be held, to find a long table laden with a bevy of sugar-laden,

mouth-watering doughnuts.  Attracted like a moth to the flame, I hastened over to the carb treasure trove, only to be rebuffed by the most unkind, the stingiest, the downright meanest mothers I have ever beheld in my 29 years. (Ahem.)

Behold the transgressors! Just look at those angry, unfriendly, unapproachable demeanors!

They told me in no uncertain terms that these treats were for the children only and that no parents were allowed to partake.

My friends, you know, you just KNOW, that flabbergasted though I was, I was ready to go to the mats over this.   Why, this was no different from taking candy from a baby!  What kind of world do we live in where the long-suffering parents of award-winning children are not only teased to the breaking point with the scent of freshly deep-fried, heavily glazed, Colossal Doughnuts, but are also not allowed to join in the long-standing American tradition of celebratory hyperglycemia?

It’s a tragedy.  A travesty!

And as if that were not shocking enough….brace yourselves…

THERE WAS NOT EVEN COFFEE.

If this is not proof that the Mayans were right, I don’t know what is.

****Meahwhile****

My Captain marvels at the fact that I can take an event so obviously intended for my Varmint, and shift the focus onto me, and food.

God-Given Talent.  That’s what it is.

God-Given Talent.

Meh.  I don’t even really like doughnuts.

So there.

( Oh, and….Varmint….I am very proud of how hard you work!  I love you dearly.)

Mama B