Every year we decorate the Carved Wooden Moose outside the Little Cottage for various holidays. On Christmas, he sports Ol’ Saint Nick’s red hat. He really is as festive as any 9-foot moose can be.
Last year, his red hat had a little bit of a mishap, and had to be thrown away. (By mishap, I mean that I got so frustrated when I couldn’t remove the hat post-New Years, I ended ripping the ding-dang thing clean off of his head. Apparently I have anger management issues….)
So this year I had the task of sewing the Moose a NEW Santa Claus hat. My Captain promised he would help design it. I loved this idea because whenever My (big, strong hunk of a) Captain does something as sweet and sensitive as pick up a sewing needle, I get all gushy and warm inside. Last year, it happened when Critter’s backpack needed mending….Talk about CHICK magnet. Good NIGHT!)
Where was I? Right, My captain started to help designing The Moose’s new holiday hat. I was envisioning just making a ginormous cone hat out of red felt, and then cutting an “X” wherever an antler or ear might be.
This is NOT how My Captain’s Left-Brain personality works.
Before I knew it, he had blue-prints, schematics, and back-up logistic plans in effect. He was prepared. Newsprint for pattern making? Check. Tape Measure? Check. Sharpie? Check. Red Felt? Check.
But My Captain did NOT plan on one eensie weensie, but ultimately IMPORTANT aspect of this process.
Sir Monty of Stinky Butt.
Oh, sure, he LOOKS benign enough,
He LOOKS like he is only being attentive….
He LOOKS like he hasn’t an evil-mastermind within that wee fuzzikins head of his.
And then…..The Butt Wiggle.
The Butt Wiggle means attack is imminent.
The Butt Wiggle means you’d better hurry up and finish what you’re trying to accomplish.
Especially if you are working with Sharpie Pens. On Cream Carpeting. New Cream Carpeting that would be reason enough for your wife to beat you like a piñata if you got ink on it.
My Captain tried in vain to ignore Sir Monty. He endeavored to work around him.
All that did was induce Monty to call in the reinforcements. Silly Captain. You thought this would be straight-forward. It’s just a Santa Hat, after all.
My Captain is a smart man. Wise enough to know when he’s made a fatal miscalculation. Humble enough to admit defeat.
He picked up his tape measure, and joined the party.
Of course, Sir Monty knew all along that this would be how it ended.
Sir Monty: 1, My Captain: 0.
Really sorry I missed it – had I known I would have brought Peaches and Sophie over to help.