~ Unintentional Labotomies ~

There are certain essential life-tools I need wherever I go: Kleenex, Pens, Chapstick, and Fingernail Clippers.

I try to keep these in all my major workplaces: The Kitchen, The Kid’s Bathroom, The Master Bathroom, My Purse, and the Car. (Not that I WORK in both bathrooms, I mean….well,…oh just go with it.)

This system works like a charm in most cases.   People who know me, people who depend on me, know I am always good for these things.  Snotty nose?  I’m your go-to gal.  Need to sign something ASAP? Come to me.  Are your puckerers all pickled?  I’ve got the cherry flavored lip balm for you.  If you’re lucky, I may have kiwi, too.

But the Fingernail Clippers.  NNNRRRRRR!  The Dag-Nab Fingernal Clippers!! They are NEVER where I left them.  I know I have something on the order of a half a dozen clippers and I cannot lay a finger on a single one!  And this always happens when I have a hang nail, or a snaggy fingernail, or a price tag I need to snip off.

I know it doesn’t seem like something to get all wrapped around the axle about.  Something to say “So What” about, right?  Well, here is why its a real axle-wrapper:

Boogers.

That’s right.  The ol’ Bats in the Cave.

Have you ever picked your nose with a snaggy fingernail?  I’m not saying I have, but I imagine it would hurt like the dickens, and I’m JUST NOT WILLING TO RISK IT.   Hello?! Your BRAIN is up there!  Mere inches away from where you might be digging for gold.

I’ve got to get to CVS, Stat.