~ At Least It Wasn’t Puke ~

We were sitting at dinner earlier this week, Troy, Grandma Jane, Daughter Gwendolyn, Son Garrick, and I, listening to Garrick regale us with a story that happened at school in Mrs. Brown’s third grade classroom.  He finished the story with the sentence, “Well, at least it wasn’t puke!”.  (Mind you, this is when we are all eating chicken Pot pie and vegetables in a creamy, puke like sauce.  Normally my homemade pot pies’ gravy looks creamy white, but I had run out of white wine for my sauce and so used red.  This resulted in a pinkish gravy for the chicken and vegetable lumps to lay in.  It did, indeed, resemble puke.  Thank the lord for camouflaging Pie Crust.)

ANYWAY…”Well, at least it wasn’t puke!” was the attention getter for all of us.  There was a moment or two of silence, and then we all burst out laughing.  Yes, I know, I know, this is no way to instill table manners into a rambunctious 8 year old boy.  But, he is so dang funny with his inflections and his facial expressions, and the stuff that comes out of his mouth is classic.  Troy, being the quick thinker that he is, verbalized how that phrase would end just about any sentence well.  Then hot on the heels of verbalizing that thought, he realized his mistake.  Because the rest of that night, and still on through this latter part of the week, my adorable critter is finishing people’s sentences with “At least it wasn’t puke!”

Me: (as I’m shaking the rain off of my bathrobe and the mud off of my shoes) “I forgot to take the trash to the street last night and just had to do it in the rain!”
Garrick:  “Well, at least it wasn’t puke!”

Gwen: “I don’t want to scoop the catbox today!  Its got too much in it!”
Garrick: “Well, at least it wasn’t puke!”

Troy: “There is a cat hair in my coffee”
Garrick: “Well, at least it wasn’t puke!”

Grandma: “I bought you all some fantastic eggs from Hedgeapple Farms!”
Garrick: “Well, at least it wasn’t puke!”

Do you have the idea yet, or shall I continue?

And here is the thing…. I don’t want to squash his sense of humor.  Inappropriate?  Maybe.  Obnoxious? Most certainly.  Funny?  Absolutely!  And if you DON’T think so, your funny bone is in SERIOUS need of a tune-up.

Now then, THAT all started at the beginning of the week. Today, I received a kind thank you note from my friend Peggy Miller, which had a picture of a ridiculous MOOSE on the front of it, chewing on some grass.  It read “Moose Chews Grassias.”  I made the mistake of trying to explain the pun to Garrick (Gwen got it the first go-round, being the MUCH older – by 18 months- and wiser sibling if you listen to her tell it).   It took a bit to explain why the spanish phrase “Muchas gracias”, and the MOOSE eating the grass was a pun; and he was perplexed about the ‘ass’ part of it.   It spiralled downhill into an explanation about how ‘grassy – ass’  was not the intention of the note’s pun.  That explanation then caused him to roll around in a peel of laughter envisioning a Moose chewing grass out of someone’s butt.  It’s all very convoluted, but the point of it is, we now have two new constant additions to anything we say around Garrick this week.  Either it’s, “Well, at least it wasn’t puke!” or it’s “Moose chew grassy butts!”

My apologies extend to the following:
Mrs. Brown.
Peggy Miller.
The parents of all the 3rd grade boys at Monocacy Elementary School.
All my Spanish-speaking friends.

And to this apology I would add a huge thank you to the heavens that gave me such a spirited and funny little guy.  He makes me smile. I don’t care if that DOES mean my own sense of humor is stunted to that of an 8 year old boy’s.  I love that kid!  I think I’ll keep him.

So there you have it my friends.  More tools to make you smile.   Duck Butts, puke, and moose eating grassy butts.