~ My Side of the Bed: A Tale of Woe ~

Lets make one thing perfectly clear.  My husband is a Captain, Station Commander, Firefighter, Task Force Team Member on the Maryland Task Force One Urban Search and Rescue Team, and Paramedic.  This means he is gone at least one night out of three, and often two nights out of three (because he has to work overtime to support his wife’s Dollar Store Habit…its very sad).  It makes sense, then, that HIS side of the bed gets less use.  Add to that, before we were married, My side of the bed got use from yours truly for… the better part of a decade. In short, my side of the bed has been USED.  His side of the bed is only slightly used.

Why is it, then, that the fact that MY side of the bed being sunken, soften, lumpy,  SMOOSHED and creaky makes me feel rather, um, LARGE.  Why is it that his side of the bed being firm and straight and downright comfortable makes me feel chagrin?  I mean, heck, look at the first paragraph!  The disparate usage alone would create the glaring differences in the conditions of our individual sides.   Common sense demands that it would have to be a very special mattress that did NOT show a difference in the usage wear and tear.

And yet, I can’t help but draw a similarity to the condition of my side of the bed, and my used, lumpy, soft, smooshed and creaky body, and his side of the bed with his firm, straight and comfortable body.

Its just not good for my self-esteem.   Something must be done.  The way I see it, we can either buy a new mattress and use it until I crush it, too, or he can be a good sport and gain some gosh darn weight. He’s in his mid forties, for pity’s sake.  He can let it go a little bit.  Soften around the middle.  Maybe love me enough to actually sport a muffin top or something to prove to the world that his wife can actually cook.

Its more likely that we’ll get a new mattress.

*** Sigh ***

Categories: Family | Tags: , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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