Living out here in the Agricultural Reserve of Montgomery County, we see a lot of wildlife that our down-county friends rarely find. It’s not unusual for my family to be eating dinner, and see a fox or two out in the back yard. And, of course we have the ubiquitous family of raccoons, squirrels, possums, skunk, and chipmunks, or as I like to call them, ‘Zippy-Chippies’. We also have black bears and coyotes, though, to be honest, we never see them in the yard.
Recently, our local community members had a debate on Facebook about them-thar coyotes. Some people fear them enough to want them dead. Others have a live-and-let live attitude about them. And, of course, everyone supports the notion that we have the right to defend our properties should chickens, dogs, or baby goats become prey to the dog-like critters. Luckily, most coyotes will run if you clap, or yell, or throw a stick at them; but there is always the likelihood that they’d come back at night.
My Captain, Varmint, Critter and I sat around the dinner table tonight brainstorming about how we would deter a coyote from taking up residence in our own yard, should one ever come around.
This is where Critter, who is eleven years old, began thinking along the lines of Wile E. Coyote. His ideas are fresh, outside-the-box, and more than a little scary. His best contraption concept, which he named ‘The ACME Coyote Cannon” entailed motion detectors, randomly placed baseball fast-pitch machines, and water balloons.
But the others weren’t bad either.
One idea began with the same weight/pressure sensors found in minefields, and ends with catapults buried flush with the ground. It was dubbed “The Coyote-a-pult“. Another had to do with a strobe light and Justin Bieber music. (That would sure as hell deter ME.) It was called “The Bieber Bomb“. Another idea started with rounding up all coyotes, inserting metal plates in their backs, and installing powerful underground electronic magnets around the perimeter of the yard. It would be called, of course, “The Magnycote“. Expensive and unrealistic, sure, but wouldn’t it be fun to wake up and see how many coyotes you have stuck to the grass?
Every one of these ideas rocked, frankly. The problem was, with the exception of the last idea, that most of his contraptions could not differentiate between a coyote, and, say, Mama taking the trash out.
I have no wish to be catapulted into the neighbor’s corn field.
Thankfully, we have no need of any of these inventions, yet. But I see great things in Critter’s future.
And I’m damn glad I’m not a coyote.