I’ve always been teased about my bladder. It’s about the size of a walnut, based on the frequency and outflow of my tinkle trips.
“WHY!?” You cry. “WHY, for the Love of All that is Good and Holy do you feel the need to share this with us?”
Well, other than the fact that I believe in absolute transparency in any friendship, and you are no exception, I’ve got a funny story related to peeps.
Well, it’s not that funny. But it could be, if you are slightly skewed the way I am.
And by slightly, I mean entirely.
Our dear friend, firefighter, and fellow paramedic, Cupcake, joined us for breakfast one morning this week at a local restaurant called The Star Diner. It’s an unobtrusive little place I’ve been going to since my babies were growing in my belly. You could even say the diner’s Greek Salads, for I craved them often and in great volume when I was pregnant, were the building blocks that make up Varmint and Critter. I’m surprised my babies didn’t come out smelling like Feta Cheese. Though, in all honesty, they may have, but I was too busy to notice during the miraculous, but highly disgusting birthing process.
What the HECK was I talking about?
Right. Cupcake and Peeps.
So we’re having breakfast, and in the course of that meal, Cupcake downs not one, not two, not three, not four, but 5 large glasses of iced tea….and get this….without peeing! Not even once!
I watched in amazement as he drank the fifth one. Never in my life have I had that kind of bladder volume (or control!). It’s like he’s a fluid holding Machine. Filled with incredulity and no small amount of awe, I watched as he casually poured more liquid into his body. I have to believe that ginormous bladder has served him well on more than one fire call.
Or Bar Hop.
We don’t know what made him hesitate to go relieve himself during the meal. Some people believe in a phenomenon called ‘Breaking the Seal,’ where if you pee once, you end up peeing over and over and over again in a short amount of time. I don’t believe it’s been medically proven, but I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before Johns Hopkins Research picks it up.
I often ask my kids and their friends if they could have one super power, what would it be? I don’t need to ask Cupcake; he’s already got an honest to goodness superpower. We could call him The Human Keg. The Pee-in-ator. Bolus Boy.
But he’s already known as ‘Cupcake’.
And that’s another story altogether.