I was weeding out in the front yard today. We have woods in front, and we like the natural look. But every now and again, I go all ‘Mommy Dearest’ on it and start yanking out weeds with a ferociousness worthy of any wire-hanger scene.
Yanking out weeds in the woods.
It’s a little anal, I admit.
It’s also too big a job to realistically complete, so I try to focus on the very edge by the street and the driveway. I’ve got English ivy and hostas and fern growing there which are quite lovely, but there is also an extremely invasive asian crabgrass that chokes out everything. I hate that stuff. And none of the wildlife eat it…it has got no benefits I can see, except perhaps making O2, and I’m not even sure about that.
Now, if you recall, my right knee is in the crapper. It’s worthless. Arthritis has settled in fairly badly under my kneecap. For those of you who have never had arthritis, please believe me when I say having it under your knee cap is like having glass shards rubbed up and down your leg when you attempt to bend it.
So when I’m weeding, I don’t bend from the knees. I bend from the hip. This, of course, makes my bum stick out. I’m the classic bum-waving gardener.
And now that I’ve set the stage for you, here’s what happened today: I was out by the road, weeding with my bum proudly waving in the air. I was wearing Bermuda length jeans shorts that are loose enough in the rear end to be able to bend comfortably for long periods of time. This means, unfortunately, that they are also prime wedgie makers.
I heard a car approaching, but didn’t straighten fast enough, so I was stuck with the choice of staying head down, with my bum saluting him, or straightening and having to either sport the mother of all wedgies or be seen ‘picking’ that mother of all wedgies out from the nether regions.
This, my friends, was a true no-win situation.
I won’t tell you what I chose…..
….but I will tell you that I got a honk out of it.