When spending a week at PopPop’s house at the beach, we were attacked by not one, but two killer Yews. We had no choice but to subdue them in order to save ourselves, and any other hapless passers-by.
This required the help of all hands on deck.
I submit to you, Item 1:
The Kingpin Yew. The scourge of the yard. Other aliases: “Knee Scraper,” “Bunny House,” “That Damned Bush.”
Jr. Kingpin Yew. Other aliases: “Bug Haven,” “View Blocker,” and “Privacy Screen from Hell.”
The first assault came from My Captain, armed with nothing but my wimpy electric girly-girl hedge trimmer, SPF 50 sunblock, and his natural good looks.
It wasn’t long before reinforcements were called in. Critter charged the flank with an antique metal rake, usually used to move gravel, with reports that the rake itself weighed more than he did.
It became apparent to Critter in very little time that he had chosen the wrong weapon.
Meanwhile, My Captain had moved forward, charging the Kingpin, itself. He braved sustained oncoming traffic with an average speed of 10 mph, and a sunburn, as the battle raged.
Soon casualties began, with Critter sustaining Yew Shrapnel injuries through his crocs. Varmint was called in as medic and also as the Auxilliary Containment Sargeant At Arms.
It’s a serious job, but one to which she was honor-bound. She was not about to miss her opportunity to make the anals of history in the unprecedented Shrub Clash 2012.
The battle consumed all available troops. Everyone fought with honor.
“Really, Mom? All you are going to do is take pictures?”
“Son, throughout history the press has been an important venue for the public at large to learn the importance of our military. This is no different.”
“So, Yes, then? That is all you are going to do?”
“Yes, now get back to work, Private.”
And ultimate Victory was sweet indeed.
Until next year, you evergreen scourges.