Varmint was up earlier than I was, ready to go, and full of energy this morning. She was excited to get me to school for her “Muffins For Mom” special event the PTA puts on every year. Every spring the mommies pile into the school cafeteria an hour before school starts to share muffins and coffee with their munchkins. Today was that day. And Varmint was psyched for it.
Critter, however, is not an early riser.
Mommy, however, is also not an early riser.
Critter and Mommy were snarking at each other from the word ‘GO’ today. It wasn’t pretty.
“Time to get up Critter.”
“Come on! It’s Muffins For Mom today!
“I’m too tired.”
“Don’t you want to go eat muffins with me?”
NNNRRRRR….. He finally got up, and complained about every bloomin thing he could think of. His shirt was too hot. He wanted cereal, not muffins. Yada Yada Yada. Look, I’m not a morning person either, and I hadn’t had my coffee, and my capacity for bulls**t is pretty low first thing.
So it didn’t go well. I was barking (or, as I like to call it, “Motivational Speaking”), and he was whining, which caused more barking, which increased the whining.
And poor Varmint was in the background doing the ol’ Rodney King, “Can’t we all just get along?”
We got to the school, finally, and went in to eat our muffins, ingest copious amounts of coffee, and sit with the other mommies…none of whom looked as stressed-out-on-your-last-nerve as I did, irritatingly.
One of the mommies said, “Your son is SUCH an angel. We love him!”
Critter heard it, and immediately put on his angelic face. It’s powerful stuff. I gave him the deadpan, “Seriously?” look, which made him giggle and shine with even more purity and innocence.
So I explained to the other mommies sitting there how the morning had gone thus far. They swore they didn’t believe it.
And he beamed, the ratfink.
Oh, he’s good. I’ll give him that.