~ I Don’t Know Where It Went Awry ~

My plan was to cook a healthy meal tonight for My Captain and me.  I bought skinless, boneless, free-range, organic, guaranteed-not-to-contribute-to-heart-disease chicken breasts.  My plan was to bake them and serve them alongside whole grain brown basmati rice with peas and carrots, and then a nice romaine lettuce salad on the side.  Our Doctor would have been so pleased.

And then….

The yard work took too long today.  Which made our furniture shopping go late today.  Which made our trip to the hardware store go late today.

It was 9:15 before I got to the kitchen.  We were both beat.  I needed to reduce the cooking time for everything.  Basmati Rice takes 45 minutes, done right; baked chicken can take a while too.

I had to punt.

Always one to think quickly on an empty stomach… I mean, on my feet, I grabbed a fast-cooking box of Rice-A-Roni, threw in some white wine, a can of mushrooms, some frozen peas, cut carrots and called it Rice.  I felt guilty that it wasn’t whole grain, so I added 1/4 cup of Benefiber (YIKES!) and 1/4 cup of Wheat Germ.  I re-named it Intestinal Distress Rice.

Then I threw the skinless, boneless, free-range, organic, guaranteed-not-to-contribute-to-heart-disease chicken breasts in flour and dunked those bad boys in a vat of boiling oil, where they quickely morphed into heart-attack-inducing-lumps-of-deliciousness.

When they were done, they looked a little lonely.  So I put some bacon I’d cooked earlier today on top of each fried chicken breast.

That looked a little weird, so I grated some New York Sharp Cheddar Cheese on top of that, and stuck it in the oven to melt.

I spied an onion, looked at the vat o’ oil, looked at the onion again…..OHhhh YEAH! Oh BABY!  I sliced it up and violently threw it into the still bubbling vat o’ oil.

When the fried onions were done, I put those on top of the now melted and bubbly cheddar, which was on top of the crispy, smoky bacon, which was on top of the no-longer-healthy-but-seriously-tasty fried chicken.

Of course, I placed Texas Pete Hot Sauce on the table, along with some Ranch Dressing and jalapeno slices just in case we needed to add some more flavor…..

Thank goodness I served it with a salad.  Otherwise it wouldn’t have been a healthy meal.

I’m conscientious like that.

Categories: Uncategorized | 3 Comments

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3 thoughts on “~ I Don’t Know Where It Went Awry ~

  1. Anonymous

    Too darn funny! Wondering how that Intestinal Distress Rice is going to go over under the sheets tonight! LOL

  2. Elizabeth Adamczak

    LOL!! Love it!

  3. LOVE your names for the rice!! So funny!!

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