I am SO stoned right now. Seriously under the influence. I don’t think I could be held legally accountable for any major decision I make at this moment. It all started when I took this:
From My Captain’s last mission trip to the Dominican Republic. He tells people he went to help build an orphanage. Really, he just went to get the coffee.
High Octane. Seriously High Octane. This stuff is occasionally used at Nascar as a fuel additive.
I took the contents of that bag, ground it up and put it in a Canning Jar. I filled the rest of the jar with cold water and let it sit over night. This morning I strained it, and wound up with this:
Liquid Gold, Baby. Pure caffeine, with a little dental-staining color mixed in.
I took an empty glass, filled it with ice cubes, a couple tablespoons of sugar, a liberal splash heavy cream, and filled the rest of it with this coffee-syrup-from-hell.
And ended up with this:
(It was full when I started, and actually this is my second glass)
Starbucks has got NOTHING on this. Nothing. I saved, what, $4.00? And for very little effort (if you don’t include the whole having-to-travel-to-the-Dominican-Republic-using-building-orphanages-as-a-ruse-to-buy-cheap-excellent-coffee-beans thing).
Since drinking this, I have had heart palpitations, nausea, jitters, I’m sweating, my hands are shaking, I’m talking at 150mph, and I’ve gotten more done in an hour than I usually do in a week.
Is it me, or is everyone else in the world moving in slow-motion?
During my time treating patients on the Ambulance and Medic unit, I transported people hopped up on Coke, Crack, and other Amphetamines. They have the exact same symptoms.
The difference is that I am being perfectly, responsibly lawful. I pride myself on being a good role-model that way.