No, it’s not the Jersey Shore. We have our own situation here in Dickerson, Maryland. First it started with Troy. Then my son, Garrick. Then Gwendolyn. Then my mom, Jane. One by one they are being sucked in….assimilated….picked off. And I see no way to save them. No way to redeem them. It’s so very sad. We were such a happy little family (except during New Years, but we’ll let that little gem of a family trip to the Mountains of Western Maryland fade to a distant ugly memory).
And then it happened. As insidiously as my doormat and my blanket fetishes took hold of me, my family has been shanghaied by….
And, near as I can tell, it is the STUPIDEST game of all time. Stupider than Pacman, Pong, and Asteroid all put together. Even the premise of it…. birds are angry at pigs for stealing and eating their eggs….is dopey.
And now, as soon as Garrick gets off the bus, he rushes through is homework so he can disengage from the family to play it. Troy has been known to disappear with his phone (which has the app, of course) for over an hour. My mom does it whenever we are in the car together. Only Gwen has hope. She finds it as inane as I do. But she still plays it.
And now this laughable, senseless game is getting absorbed fully into pop culture. I’ve seen the birds made into pillows and merchandised to the Nth degree. REALLY? Are we that hard up as a nation for enriching entertainment? Holy. Stinkin. Moly. I would put World Wide Wrestling higher on the list for possible entertainment for kids.
And how about this little gem of a thought: My family would rather play this witless game than hang out with eachother! What does that say about me? About my ability to entertain?
I think I will invent a game called “Angry Mama”. It will be a husky, middle-aged soccer mom rampaging through the Angry birds and their retarded egg-eating pigs. Possibly with a bazooka or some other over the top weapon. It’ll have way cool sound effects, and lots of blood.
Now, who wants to program this baby for me?