I get the award for THE BEST Valentine’s gift to a hubby this year. I don’t care if you gals got your hubbies season tickets to a private box at Oriole Park at Camden Yards. I don’t care if you got your Beloveds a case of his favorite, over-priced microbrew and a booklet of homemade coupons for favors that you made out of candy sweethearts. I WON this Valentine’s Day. I’m the queen. Put a Capital on that: I’m the QUEEN of Valentine Wifey Gifts for 2016.
“WHAT???” You beg, jumping up and down in excitement, “What makes you the Queen this year, Mama?”
I’m so glad you asked!
I thought about My Captain, and how difficult he is to give to during any holiday. He’s impossible to shop for for Christmas, Birthdays, you name it. It’s not that he’s high-maintenance, or overly particular. It’s that he is exactly the opposite! He is LOW-Maintenance. He doesn’t want anyone spending time and money on him. He ignores the argument that other people might enjoy giving as much as he does. He refuses to be a receiver.
Santa gave up on him decades ago.
So I thought about him. And I thought, and I thought, and I thought. What makes this man happy? What, within my realm, could I possibly give him to make him grin ear-to-ear, and feel absolutely taken care of, the way he makes me feel so supported? What do you give such a man???
Which led me to this stroke of genius: HELLO!! He’s a MAN! The answer was suddenly so obvious, if it had been a snake, it would have bitten me. Twice.
My friends, I bought him a TOOL. But not just ANY tool! I bought him a genyouuuuuiiiine, original, one-and-only FIRE FALCON.
I gave it to him today, in advance of Valentine’s Day, because I have NO ability to keep a secret, and I just CAN’T WAIT!!!! Patience has never been my strong suit. Thank goodness My Captain finds it charming!
At least, I tell him he does.
What is the Fire Falcon? I mentioned it in my last post: Stovetop Grease Fire, A Love Story. This is the best, fanciest, hardest-core, extreme firefighting tool ever made, here, and around the world.
It’s not cheap, because it’s made of highest grade materials, like composite, steel and fiberglass.
It has advanced engineering, and was created by one of the oldest, saltiest firemen in the nation.
It is The Cadillac of fire-overhaul and battle weapons. This thing is THE BOMB, and every firefighter out there secretly covets one of these. Believe me, it’s right up there with the lastest iPod, or iWatch, or gizmo gadget. Anyone who uses this thing can’t HELP but channel a little bit of Batman when he’s working.
What, exactly, does the Fire Falcon do?
When a firefighter is in a fire, they have to COMPLETELY extinguish that fire, and they have to get it right the first time. And if the fire has extended into areas that are hidden, ie: behind walls, or over ceilings, or under floors, they have to find it. To do this they have to expose these areas…they have to open the walls or the ceilings, or the floors, to find a sinister little phenomenon that they call “Fire Extension.” Using the right tool to expose this can mean the difference between life and death….No Joke.
See the three-pronged grapple talons, or, as I like to call them, ‘whosie-whatsies’ on the one end? (Do NOT judge my kitchen rug…I’m not a photographer, people! I’m a Mama!)
It’s closed, then with a twist of the multi-tool handle, the spring-loaded talons open. It can be used to break through a ceiling or wall, and the talons will fold down as it passes through the drywall, then open to a grapple-hook of sorts… (Do NOT judge my poor camera skills!)
…which then can grab more dry wall, or whatever they are trying to clear to get to fire extension. It saves valuable time and muscle resource, and come on, it’s cool as all get out.
See the loop on each end?
Those are for attaching rescue carabiners, in case of a need to bailout of a window, or off a roof, or some such calamity. In other words, a firefighter in need of extreme escape can ram the grapple hook through a wall after attaching his rope to it, and then fling himself down and away from the inferno with a much greater chance of survival. That’s a good thing!
And see this other end?
It’s a hammer. It’s a Prying End. It’s a combo-grip. This end is great for prying apart trim work, breaking doors, ramming walls, and other forcible entry needs, and it’s also a mighty comfortable handle.
And look at the grip. THAT is a grip, baby! (I’m talking about the handle, not the hand!)
OF COURSE I did my homework, and asked the company to send the right size for My Captain. The Fire Falcon comes in many sizes to fit each firefighter! My Beloved is a long, tall drink of water, and he needed a big one!
I think he liked it. I KNOW he wasn’t expecting his Valentine’s present to be made of Steel and Fiberglass. I definitely know he is the only one on his shift that is getting one for Valentine’s Day! He’s special! So yeah, I think he liked it.
Wanna know how I know?
I win!!
Love,
Valentine’s Queen, 2016
Mama Boe 