~ Pure, Intense Determination ~

I needed a break.  I’ve been running too hot for too long, and signs were starting to show that I just needed to step back and breathe.  You know, regain healthy perspective, stop chewing my nails, stop chewing out my children, stop chewing my cud, that kind of thing.

But relaxing does not come naturally to me.   Being wound around the axle comes naturally to me.  I have to fight an intense mind battle with myself to make a semblance of cool happen in my spastic world.

My good friend, Cupcake, understood this, and took us out for a day of sailing on the Chesapeake Bay.

I climbed out onto the bow and laid my head on a folded towel, prepared to just relax, to meditate, to possibly sleep to the wonderful, rhythmic lapping sounds of water on the hull of the Windtrip V, Cupcake’s 36′ J-World club sailboat.  The sun warmed me while the gentle breeze made it comfortable.  The sound of far-off seagulls reached me and all was right with the world.  I could feel the muscles in my shoulders begin to ease.


And then the wind picked up.

Which of course made us tilt.  List.  Lean rather alarmingly….

…with Mama up on the bow.

Did she fall off?  Nay, nay!  She gripped the side rail of the deck with a viselike clamp that bespoke years and years of figuratively holding on for dear life.

Did she get up and yell at Captain Cupcake?  Did she curse the wind?  Did she cry and wail and gnash her teeth?

Nope.  And you know why?


Pure, Intense Determination.  Now maybe some people might not pair the concepts of intense determination with relaxation. I realize that.

But that is how I roll.  Only I wasn’t rolling.  I was solidly on the bow, gritting my teeth, refusing to not relax.

Look, it makes sense to me.  Just go with it.

With love,

Totally-relaxed-in-a-completely-tensed-up-sort-of-way Mama

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