~ If You Give A Mama An Auger ~

If you have learned anything at all about me in the past three years, dear friends, it is that I have no ability to rein it in.  None.  I couldn’t find the definition of moderation if you shoved the dictionary under my nose.

Give me a bag of chocolate, you end up with an empty bag.

Ask me to clean a bench, you end up with a sandblasted, primed, and painted polka dot piece of furniture.


Ask me to save a feral kitten, you end up saving a boatload of them.


Give me an auger drill bit to plant a tulip bulb in the fall….

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and you end up with a thousand (yes, that’s accurate…a full 1,000) tulips blooming in the spring.

2015-04-20 16.55.25No, seriously.  A Thousand.  Several trips to Lowes, several re-budgeting for this years’ landscaping, several husband eye-rolls later, you’ve got yourself a thousand freaking tulips.

Why?!  Why, you ask?

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Is it because I relish the idea of publicly prancing around in my 3X unapologetically purple Schmidt Work Overalls from The Tractor Supply Company?

Do I have a fetish of waving my ample arse in the air to passing cars while drilling over 1,000 holes in the tough Maryland clay?

Am I hell bent on embarrassing my family with my weird antics?

Look, I’m not going to straight out deny any of those things, but to be honest, I actually DO have an honorable reason!

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You see, my father taught me that beauty matters.  What we are surrounded with matters. It all affects us.  I know how different I feel when the kitchen is full of dirty dishes, and when it’s clean and orderly.  The place we live gives us a sense of stress, or well-being, depending on how it is set up.

I don’t know about you guys, but I can control very little in this world.  And since all this required was an auger drill bit, some bags of tulip bulbs, and a decent chiropractor (Thank you, Dr. Spiro Theodore!) I figured I could have an impact here.  Few things in life can we impact with such obvious results!2015-04-20 17.03.34“You have too much time on your hands,” quipped one rather pessimistic friend of mine.

My response?  Well, I don’t watch television.  Not like, a little bit…I mean I don’t watch television.  I haven’t had cable television in nearly 20 years!  So since I’m not drooling passively on the couch in front of the boob tube, I have time to paint benches, and blog, and plant tulips!  It’s all about choices and priorities, I guess.  And from what I’ve heard about Honey Boo Boo, and vampire or zombie series, I’m okay with my choices!2015-04-20 16.59.39Besides, when you have no ability to moderate your chocolate intake, it’s a good thing to be outside digging and mulching!

Does My Captain mind that I spent the time and money on these flowers?

2015-04-20 16.58.33Heck, I think he was counting on it.  I mean, when a man spends money on an auger drill bit for you, it SCREAMS love.

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Almost as loudly as if he had bought you a bag of Lindt Chocolate Truffles.

Don’t judge!

Categories: Uncategorized | 3 Comments

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3 thoughts on “~ If You Give A Mama An Auger ~

  1. Anonymous


  2. I ride my bike by your house every week and always enjoy your house. Now more than ever! Kudos to you. Now I want an auger bit! Dalis

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