~ Pubic Synthysis ~

I went to Medic Recert today…all…stinkin….day.  We were re-familiarizing ourselves with the “Trauma Patient” and all of their medical/protocol idiosyncracies.

I sat in the back.

I always do. I hate the feeling of eyes on the back of my head.  Some people call it paranoia, I call it heebie-jeebies.  Plus I am always afraid my underwear is showing.

I have issues.  We’ve already discussed that fact.

So, we’re starting the class, My Captain’s oldest and best friend is beginning the lecture, and he introduces himself to a gentleman who none of us recognize.  Apparently this medic is from another county, but needed our class for his own Paramedic recertification, so he joined us.  He looked a little uncomfortable.

Understandably.  Medics are often weird birds.  Except me.  I’m perfectly normal, except on days that end with ‘Y’.

One of the other instructors tried to put this new guy at ease and started to say, “It’s ok, they won’t bite.”  But then she corrected herself and said, “They’ve all had their shots.”

And we wonder why it’s hard for us to make friends.

It was a long day, filled with multi-syllabic words and strange smells.

I’m not sure why there were strange smells, and I’m not entirely sure they weren’t coming from me.

I don’t do well with long days filled with copious amounts of information.  I tend to get a little spacey towards the end.  And, true to Murphy’s law, we had our practical at the end… our Mega Trauma Practical where we are presented with a dummy who has had rather unfortunate things happen to it.  We are asked to treat it as a normal call, and the instructor watches, critiques, and grades while we try to save the poor latex bastards.

In front of our peers.

Remember the part about worrying if my underwear is showing?  Yeah, it’s not a problem during these practicals because I’m so uptight my undies are crunched way up high by then.

Suffice it to say that by the end of the day I was so tired and discomboobulated I didn’t know my Belly Button from my Pubic Symphysis.  Or anyone else’s for that matter.

My Captain promised he would tutor me tonight……