~ Game Show Sound Effects ~

I can’t get a break.

I mean, I know I’m exceedingly lucky to have found such a great husband.  He doesn’t need me to be anything different than what I am.  He loves me unconditionally.

It’a good thing, because I couldn’t be cool if you paid me.  In fact, I seem to spend an inordinate amount of time embarrassing myself.

Take, for instance, last night.  We were going through bedtime routines.  I was lying on my stomach, in bed with a book, and he was in the connected bathroom, brushing his teeth.  I was wearing a cute little nightshirt.

And by cute little nightshirt, I mean a 3X t-shirt with coffee stains on it.

But if you looked at it with your eyes closed,  it was cute.  Just go with me on this.

Anyways,  I was lying there, innocently enough.

And over in the bathroom was My Captain….  Good God Almighty, was he handsome:  shirtless, brushing his teeth in the mirror, muscles relaxed but still prominent. *** sigh***  I was counting my lucky stars,  sending up prayers of gratitude, saying Hail Mary’s, even though I am not Catholic and don’t even know what they are….

…when I felt that all too familiar feeling.

It was definitely coming.  There was no stopping it.

All I could do was engage the silencer and hope for the best.

Sadly for all involved, all the silencer did was draw it out longer and, strangely, in many and varied-pitched intervals.  Almost like a trombone with a slide.  Yes, that is a pretty accurate analogy.  My butt sounded like an old rag/jazz musician going to town on his trombone slide.  It was all over the place.  I mean, there were tones reverberating that could not be easily defined on any musical scale.

I sheepishly peeked over to the bathroom.  My Captain had frozen mid-floss and was staring at me in the mirror incredulously.

“That sounded like a game show sound effect, honey.  That’s a new one, even for you.”

I reached up and tugged the ceiling fan chain to turn it on.

High.

I don’t need to be a sex symbol.  I don’t need to be popular.  But I DO wish I could at least be NOT disgusting.  Let’s face it though, My Captain is stuck with a farting machine.

Is it me, or are an abnormally large percentage of my posts about farting?